I wrote some prohpetic words yesteday. I said I’d likely sleep in, work all day, and then not write until after midnight, again. This is true. I didn’t wake up until 9am, very late for me, and I worked most of the day. Just enough to prevent me from writing during the middle of it. It is currenltly 12:30am, so technically the next day, and I’m only now getting around to writing. I couldn’t be much more bang on.
There’s one thing I didn’t envisiion, though, and that changes thing slightly. I assumed that I wouldn’t write because I wouldn’t feel like writing. That’s not true at all. I was 100% ready to write. I had a blank page open and everything, just waiting to put ideas down. I was really feeling it, actually, and I was aboutt o have a great writing session, popping me completely out of my funk. I knew it. I could taste it.
And then my brother walked in and completely changed everything.
My brother, an absolutely wonderful person and my best friend, lives several hours away. He still loves up north, whereas I moved away after university. We haven’t seen each other since Christmas. I thought about going up north this summer, to pay him a visit, but the plans never came to fruition. Something always comes up to stop us from doing what we want to do. Then, lo and behold, he appears out of nowhere.
Well, not completelty out of nowhere. He said he might come down last weekend, and then he didn’t, which makes sense because he’s busy and driving several hours to spend one day with me doesn’t make the most sense. Save it for Christmas or some other holiday. Then, without telling me, he arrived today, and I couldn’t be happier.
My brother is both very much like me and very much not like me. We both think alike. We are rational, logical, systematic. We can see through lies and get straight to the heart of an issue. We laugh at the same things, listen to the same music, have similar interests. I’m more into chess, he’s more into music, but we’re very similar.
In terms of personality, this is where we differ. Again, there are similaritires and differences, but perhaps more differences. We’re both laidback, but he’s more so. I’ve always admired his calm demeanour, though he’ll admit that I’m more calm on the inside than he is. He is much more extroverted. I cna spend an entire weekend alone, at home, and be perfectly content, whereas he needs more people around to fully enjoy his time off. He can be alone, but he definitely prefers people. We both have people skills, but he has the bulk of them.
I said earlier he’s my best friend, and I mean that. Nobody else shares as many interests as I do, knows the things that I like, has as many inside jokes. When I’m with most people, I wear a metaphorical mask. I act in a certain socially acceptable way. I doi and say things just because that’s what people want me to hear. With him, I wear no mask. I am 100% authentic, and it’s the same with him. We are friends, but we are more than that. We are true brothers.
We caught up over the course of several hours. He told me of his life, of his studies as he prepares to become a paramedic. I quized him about various aspects of the human body, the respiration system and whatnot, and he impressed me by naming off muscles and ligaments and medical terms left and right, effortlessly. He’s near the top of his class, and it shows. He knows more than I do. That in itself isn’t that impresive, as I’ve never formally studied this subject, but I know a lot. He knows even more.
This surprises me. He is younger than me, and I always remember him as just that, the younger brother. I was bigger, stronger, smarter. I helped him with homework, with studying, with projects. One time, I famously did a project for him. It wasn’t quite plagarism, but I guess it blurred the line. We worked on it together, making the best powerpoint presentation his teacher had ever seen, but only his name was on it. Meh, details. He would have gotten the highest mark in the class anyway. I just helped him spice it up.
What surprised me, though, wasn’t just his increased knowledge but his increased size. He had been hitting the gym, and his arms were noticeably thicker than last Christmas. He didn’t look massive, definitely not a bodybuilder, but he was clearly a lifter. I’m taller than he is, so I have leverage on my side, but I’m not so sure I’m still the stronger one. Considering I work in the ftiness industry, that’s impressive.
We talked and talked and talked. I learned so much, and he learned of me. I shared everything over the last eight months, even if it doesn’t seem like much. While I talked, something magic happened. The heavy weight I felt on my shoudlers, it dissolved. I wrote yesterday how I felt stuck, trapped in the doldrums, and it sucked. Talking with him, seeing my dear friend, it made all that go away.
We topped out night off by going to see a movie. My sister had tickets to Suicide Squad. She somehow knew my brothyer was coming without telling me, and she had this planned. We knew that Suicide Squad had mixed reviews, but so did Batman v Superman, and both my siblings enjoyed that one. Worse case scenario, we thought, it’s one of those dumb movies where you jsut need to turn your brain off and enjoy some fancy scenes and cinematics.
Um, no. Well, I did turn my brain off, but that’s because nothing really made sense. At all. Like, this whole thing was terrible. It’s easily the worst movie I’ve watched over the last five years. I’ve only seen about five movies in that time, but it’s still terrible. My brother felt the same way, because of couse he did, and during the short drive home we took turns ripping it apart. That was the enjoyable part.
And now he’s asleep in bed and I’m here, at my desk, writing everything down … and I realize I’m happy. I’m genuinely happy, and I haven’t been happy in a long time. Not like this. There is a certain light he brought into my life, or more accurately, he helped me see what was already there. We talk occassionaly through email, but seeing him in person was so much better. It’s the real thing, and it’s great.
And I’m happy. I’m smiling, I’m giddy. It’s after midnight and I have an early morning meeting tomorrow, but none of that matters. I am happy. That’s what was missing from my life. My brother, quite unexpectedly, brough it back, and though he doesn’t know it, though he thinks I’m always the positive and upbeat one, he has given me one heck of a gift.