Tag Archives: depression

Fake It ‘Till You Make It

If you ever meet me in person, you’ll likely think the following pretty quickly: I’m very positive. And I am. You might think other things as well. I’m pretty tall, pretty thin, pretty quiet. I listen far more than I talk. I have a slow but constantly growing smile. If you pay attention, you might notice my subtle humour. Maybe you’ll even notice how good looking I am!

Pre August Haircut

That would involve you being blind, or obscenely drunk. Or both.

Mostly, though, people notice how positive I am. People regularly call me the most positive person they know, and many others have commented that they appreciate my up-beat personality. My closest friends and family have used me as a pillar of strength, someone who can prop them up when they are feeling low. My happiness can be infectious, or so I’m told.

But here’s the thing: though I appear positive, I’m not always positive on the inside. Sometimes, I’m not even close. Continue reading

Figuring Out My Life Goals

I’m a fan of goals. They give you direction: they tell you where you are going, and you know exactly when you get there. Those are powerful things. That said, unlike some people, I don’t set many goals. I don’t have a 100-page bucket list. I could probably write all my goals, absolutely all of them, on a single piece of paper.

See? One single page.

Is this the right way to do it? It’s hard to say. It certainly feels the most natural for me. Having too few goals means you risk not doing enough, while having too many can spread you too thin. Heck, at the beginning of the year I set 12 goals of varying importance, only twelve, and those drained me within a week. I operate far better on fewer but more important goals than many superfluous ones. Continue reading

The Pathology of Being the Best

I like being right. Who doesn’t, right? It’s a good, empowering feeling. Whether it’s something simple, like predicting the Superbowl winner, or something big, like deciding on what career to go in, everyone wants to be right. I mean, no one goes out consciously to do something wrong, right?

Unfortunately, there are degrees of rightness for most things. It’s a sliding scale, like a percentage. You can be mostly right, or half-right, or 75% right. You can be wrong about all the little details but still get the big picture correct, and the opposite is also true.

Wow, this may be the most philosophy-thing I’ve seen since leaving university.

In addition to being right, this also relates to being good at something. Take writing. You can be a good writer, or you can be good at certain types of writing, say fiction but not academic essays. You might rate yourself as in the top 70% of all writers, and that’s a fine thing.

Unfortunately, I and many other people view that 70% as not an accomplishment but a failure. It’s be the best or be a bust. Continue reading

I Sleep More Than You Do (?!)

If you are the average person, then there’s a good chance you are insane. Or at least drunk. That’s because if you don’t get enough sleep, your cognition and reflex speed slows down the same as if you had a blood-alcohol level of .05. If you pull an all-nighter, that number climbs to .10. Without sleep, you are a worse driver sober than you would be wide awake after chugging several beer.

All of this likely isn’t news. People function better when they get more sleep. It’s common sense, and anyone who had a terrible sleep can vouch for it. Or conversely, sleeping in on a weekend where you have nothing to do, especially after a very hectic week, is one of life’s greatest and yet simplest pleasures.

You know it’s a good sleep when you’re smiling during the photo shoot.

Here’s the thing, though: there’s a good chance I get more sleep than you do. As in, me, the guy with insomnia. As in, me, the guy who takes 45min to fall asleep every night. I get more sleep than you do, assuming you are average, and if so, what the hell is wrong with you? Continue reading

January 2016 Update

One month in, and 2016 is not off to the best start.

In a word, I bit off more than I could chew.  I tried to do too much, filling my days with task after task only to be left with no time, no energy and no motivation to do it again tomorrow.  Within just a few days I basically abandoned everything I set out to do.

I’m perhaps being overly dramatic, but in general, this month has been a failure.  Better luck in February.  Here, let me categorize in depth each one of my failings. Continue reading

Biting Off More Than You Can Chew

We all know fitness is important to our health. Working out keeps us in shape, improves our physique, enchances our immune system, makes us feel better and has countless more benefits, both large and small. Why, working out sounds like the best thing we can do! We should do it every day! Multiple times a day! Every few hours!

What time is it? Workout time!

And if you follow this line of reasoning, you pretty quickly find that too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing. In this particular example, you spend all your time working out, which means you don’t have any time to do anything else, including rest and recovery. You push your body so much that it has no chance to repair, and soon instead of building yourself up you begin tearing your body apart.

This actually happens with just about everything, including most of my life right now. Continue reading

Struggling With Motivation

Something rather terrible has happened the last three days. Well, maybe terrible is an exaggeration. It’s not as if anyone died or had any health complications. In fact, not a heck of a lot has happened, but that’s exactly the problem. For three days I’ve done not a heck of a lot. I’ve went to work … and that’s it. I have done nothing else.

If I had mad photoshop skills, I’d change that to 24 hours.

I have goals. I was super excited to start 2016 and  to start realizing them. For the first five days or so, I absolutely rocked them. I did everything I wanted to and then some. Then I had a busy day at work and seemingly lost any sense of motivation or desire. I have been ‘relaxing’ for three days. Nothing wrong with taking some time to yourself, but 72 hours is a little excessive. I need to get back on track … but I seemingly have to force myself. I have lost all motivation, somehow. Continue reading

The Appreciation Box

I got my first Christmas present today. Yes, I know it’s not Christmas yet, but I opened it. It was simply a Christmas card, plain and simple, though it had a gift card inside. I get these all the time. I am a martial arts instructor, and I’m in charge of the junior karate program. Every year a few students give me something, usually homemade, as a sign of gratitude. It’s a sweet sentiment.

It’s very sweet … even if it’s not actually my birthday yet.

This particular gift card was for Tim Horton’s, the Canadian coffee chain. This is slightly unfortunate, as I do not drink coffee. ‘Cannot’ is closer to the truth. I have a very limited sense of smell. The few things I can smell, I either really like them or really dislike them. Coffee is on the dislike list. Indeed, I think I can smell coffee more than any other thing. The scent is completely overpowering, so much so that I get headaches if I take a strong whiff. I cannot bring a cup of coffee close to my face, let alone drink it.

It’s not all bad, though. I can always get a donut, or, more often, I can give the card away. My family has enjoyed a lot of free coffees on me. Continue reading

The Importance of Letting Things Go

I am about the most laid-back person there is. Few things truly gets me. I generally remain calm no matter what happens. I wasn’t always like this. During public school, for instance, I was calm about some things and incredibly tense about others. The more I matured the less tense I got.

This is apparently a tense person. At least, that’s what showed up when I google image searched.

We could go even further I imagine. The less schooling I did the more relaxed I became. School had an incredible ability to draw out some of the worst in me. My insomnia, for example, often ebbed and flowed with my school workload. Some people purposely put off sleep, pulling all-nighters to finish a project the day before it’s due. This is a conscious choice. I never made this choice; I simply couldn’t fall asleep. Continue reading

Tired Eyes

This is difficult to write as I’m trying not to look at the screen. I’ll explain in a moment.

I appear to have sprained my ankle. I may also have an Achilles strain, as the entire back section of my leg remains tight and resists any movement or pressure. I currently cannot stand without assistance, and I’m taking some pain medication every few hours. It’s not an incredibly happy time for me.

I’m not the yellow ball today … or the last few days.

Continue reading